Showing posts with label mets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mets. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Year in Sports. Or how the Jets temporarily made me less depressed, part 1?

Well, Mr. Boyce did a bang-up job giving us a rundown of the best and worst of the best movies of the past year yesterday. I think he deserves a round of applause.../waits for applause/.../waits/...is anyone even here? Oh well. Anyway, he has inspired me to make one of my bi-seasonal posts and to break up the cinematic rote we seem to have fallen into here, I'll make it about sports. I suppose I could write about another topic: like maybe TV...but all I watch on TV are sporting events and movies.

To recap, I root for the Mets, Jets, Michigan football, and Georgetown basketball and probably in that order although I can't really say for sure. So what has been going on with these teams and where do they stand right now? I'm glad you asked.


Jason Bay dying inside


The Mets of New York Town


The 2009 New York Mets were cursed by the goddamn devil, who struck them down with a ridiculous number of injuries. This was not to prevent their winning baseball games but rather to mask the utter incompetence of the front office and allow Omar Minaya to keep his job as L'il Freddy Wilpon's trained monkey/fall guy for another offseason. And what did SeƱor Minaya do with his borrowed time to fix this roster? He signed poor Jason Bay in a thin attempt to hide the Wilpons' cynical contempt for Mets fans, who they consider so stupid as to believe that they are actually trying to field a championship-caliber baseball team. Here is the Wilpons' true goal: enough "meaningful" late-season games and a "big name" signing or two to trick us into packing into their beautiful little publicly-funded, TARP-sponsored restaurant emporium Dodger museum ballpark and lining their pockets (which incidentally were actually deepened by Bernie Madoff's ponzi scheme, the fucking schmucks). Oh I can out-cynical you all day Fred and Jeff, so don't even try me.


Going into the offseason the Mets had as I see it: no MLB-caliber 1B, no MLB-caliber starting catcher, no MLB-caliber RF or LF, 2 reliable MLB-caliber starting pitchers--one of whom was recovering from surgery, while the other continued his life-long battle with the Yips--followed by a bunch of question marks (does anyone realize that the Mets' 3rd and 4th best starters right now are Jon Niese and Nelson Figueroa?!! And they won't even make the team out of Spring Training! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!), a 2B with no knees, a bullpen that lost "star reliever" JJ Putz, and a continuing lack of MLB-ready depth behind key players. What were Omar's solutions to these numerous and variegated problems?


Alex Cora--$2 Mil with a vest. Had to lock him up before the bidding war ensued I guess.


Jeff Francoeur--$5 Mil. He might swing the bat so hard he hits himself in the back of the head, so there's that. What I'm saying is: his potential comedy value far exceeds his baseball value.


Jason Bay--4 years/$66 Mil with a goddmanmotherfucking vest. Just a wee bit of an overpay there, Omar.


Henry Blanco/Chris Coste/Omir Santos--Gotta catch 'em all! Crappy backups!


Kelvim Escobar/Ryota Igarashi/some other guys--I actually like the Escobar signing and it's always nice to have a Japanese guy on the team. I guess we'll see how the bullpen shakes out.


Fernando Tatis--whatever. He's a perfectly cromulent bench player.


Gary Matthews Jr.--fuck my life.


Nothing else. That's freakin' it! They might sign John Smoltz (or as Ron Darling would say, "John Schmoltz)for some pitching insurance, but he is, as you may recall, 73 years old. Seriously, the guy is six degrees of separation from Old Hoss Radbourn, who threw 678 innings(!) for the 1884 Providence Grays.

I could also get into the Beltran surgery fiasco (guess whose side I'm on) or the fact that JJ Putz was never given a physical last year and then allowed to pitch in the WBC, despite the fact that he had been injured the year before and the Mets had just traded a bazillion prospects for him, but that would just be piling on to my own misery. Suffice it to say, I am not very happy with the current state of the Mets nor am I particularly sanguine about their chances in 2010.

I was going to break down the other teams, but I clearly get long-winded when it comes to complaining about the Mets. We'll save the Jets, Wolverines, and Hoyas for a part 2. And perhaps Boyce will chime in with some thoughts on the Giants and their rather Metsian season.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Inner Circle of Baseball Hell



That is where Mets fans are currently residing, myself among them. Clearly God hates the Mets and their fans and has shown this to them by injuring everybody on their roster, presenting them with a succession of Steve Phillips, Jim Duquette, and Omar Minaya, by giving us a Braves-Yankees WS in 1999, and lastly by allowing the abortion that is this year's World Series. This isn't a "Oh, woe is us!" bullshit-Red Sox thing: that happened because of their city's and organization's racism. The Mets are cursed for no good goddamn reason and it has all led to us having to make a choice about rooting for the Yankees or Phillies in the classic matchup of mystique vs. grit.



Now there are those who say we should root for the Yankees. After all, we all know Yankees fans and many of us have friends who root for the Yankees. However, I must explain to you that any Yankee fan friends that you know are decent people are the exception to the rule. Yankees fans are obnoxious loudmouths with a ridiculous sense of entitlement and such a dearth of knowledge about baseball that they immortalize people like Scott Brosius while vilifying Alex Rodriguez. We Mets fans, despite the best attempts of the Wilpons to eradicate it, must not forget our heritage. And that heritage means hating and rooting against the Yankees with every fiber of our being. Paul O'Neill, Chuck Knoblauch, Roger Clemens, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, A-Rod etc.--don't you just fucking hate these guys. I know I do and deep down you do too. We must not root for the Yankees. The Yankees are not our crosstown brethren, they are our crosstown fucking rivals, and if I didn't root for the Yankees after 9/11 when New York "needed " and "deserved" a World Series, then I'm sure as shit not rooting for them now. The Yankees deserve nothing.



"Well, then dtro," you might say, "I guess that means we have to root for the Phillies." To which I say FUCK NO! While it is important not to lose sight of our hate past in the presence of the nouveau-douchiness of the Phillies, let's not pretend that this team and fanbase are not ridiculously detestable. Phillies fans are drunken mongoloids with no loyalty to anyone but the Eagles. They are violent and despicable people who seek out confrontation with other fanbases and others within their own fanbase, because frankly there's nothing better to do in a shithole like Philadelphia but get drunk and fight and then go complain about the best QB in your franchise's history. Philadelphians harbor a pitiful yet grating inferiority complex regarding the city of New York (and well they should) and lack the class, sense of history, integrity, or creativity to come up with their own rallying cries. The Phillies themselves have a roster of fuckfaced fucks. Jimmy Rollins is a douche, who likes to make big claims and shush Mets fans in the CitiField crowd while putting up a .296 OBP. He is probably the second most overrated player in the NL, trailing only Ryan Howard. Cole Hamels likes to call our boys choke artists? Choke on my dick. Chase Utley looks like he should start up a barbershop quartet with Wes Welker where they can sing about their hair parted perfectly down the middle (not to mention he leans into about 15 pitches a year). And Shane Victorino is a special kind of douche, my hatred of whom cannot be expressed in words. We may be in the inner circle of baseball hell right now, but rest assured there is a special place reserved in baseball hell for Shane Dicktorino after his fatal stabbing a couple of months from now. Just kidding...but I seriously wouldn't mind if he got stabbed and slowly bled to death.

That's right Mets fans, our best bet is to ignore this whole fucking thing. This is an opportunity to spend time with family and friends and not think about baseball until we're welcoming Matt Holliday with open arms and preparing for a 2010 Mets team that will exorcise all of our demons. And if you still feel bad about baseball right now, there's always this to cheer you up:

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Why the Mets Failed pt. 339

Testing out this graph for Amazin Avenue FanShot:

Monday, May 4, 2009

The bored at work, haven't posted for a while Mets suck post



Some thoughts on a shitty Monday morning:

-Have you ever heard that old line about "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain"? You know, having two really good pitchers and hoping to muddle through the rest. I guess you could do one easily for the Mets, like: "Johan and Maine and pray for rain," except that I'm pretty sure John Maine sucks. It should have been "Santana and Lowe and pray for snow," except that Omar Minaya misjudged the market for Derek Lowe and then pretended he wanted Oliver Perez all along, saving a couple mil a year to have a ridiculously inferior pitcher kill our bullpen every fifth day (And now he may kill our bullpen from the inside, all part of Oliver Perez' latest plan: Operation Destroy the 2009 Mets). So now it's just "Santana and pray he goes 9 innings or pray that JJ Putz will revert to 2006-7 form after a year in which he was injured and that none of the other relievers blow this one and that Daniel Murphy catches flyballs hit at him and that the Mets not strand 15 runners and actually give Johan some run support and that it then rains for four consecutive days." And that's just not very catchy. It doesn't even rhyme.

-And speaking of rainouts, how have there not been more rainouts when I can only remember like 4 days out of the last 40 where it didn't rain in this godforsaken shithole of a city where the Metro closes at midnight on weekdays making it pointless for me to even think about going out on a Thursday night since I'm gonna waste an extra ten bucks taking a cab home?

-Sign the petition to paint CitiField's walls blue. Let's see, you cut down the seating from 55,000 to 42,000 to help create a false demand for tickets, allowed a corporate sponsor to name your stadium with money from the American taxpayers, completely ignored 47 years of Mets history and devoted all stylistic elements and historical flourishes of the new stadium to Jackie Robinson, a stadium that is now two huge apartment buildings and a team that left Brooklyn so long ago that all of their local fans are in Greenwood or those huge cemeteries out in Queens, painted the seats green and the walls black, and sold my dad a 15-game pack in a spot where he can't see a large portion of left field (which might be a good thing considering Sheffield's/Murphy's defensive play). You must be the Wilpons and you must truly have your finger on the pulse of the average Mets fan! At the very least paint the damn walls blue and give the place an identity that is somewhat Mets, rather than its current identity of "a place with very good food for a ballpark."

-Hey St. Francis Prep, I hope you all get swine flu. That's what you get for naming your sports teams the Terriers. Pussies!

-Mark Sanchez is gonna be fucking awesome! Except he's probably going to suck, because the Jets and Mets will continue to be disappointing for the next 50 years!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Ah, the smell of the fresh cut crack of the bat



Well, baseball is back just in time. My bracket sucked,and the seven months of NBA/NHL playoffs are about to start dominating sportscenter, so thank God baseball is here. Forget for a minute that ESPN realized that the Sunday Night Baseball* team was horrible and then thought to themselves "Hmmm, how can we make this more horrible?...I know, Steve Phillips!" Let's just focus on the good things, like Johan Santana at one o'clock today and Ricky Nolasco hopefully coming through for 3 different fantasy teams of mine.

*I think maybe I'll use a Pozterisk** here to mention that I no longer believe a word Joe Morgan says. He can be talking about anything and I just think "No, he totally made that up. He pulled that out of his ass. This guy's an idiot." Like he said that Chase Utley had trouble on breaking balls last year due to his nagging hip injury, and I thought "No. He made that up. Even if that's true, there's no way in hell Joe Morgan knows that." And Jon Miller's lengthy explanations of OPS in the first inning were just downright insulting. Thankyou so much, Jon, for explaining that, but there's really no need as I have been sentient for the last 10 years.

**Read some of this guy's posts to understand.


Anyway, let's get some predictions going for the baseball season. I was pretty terrible at this last year, but I've got a good feeling this time around:



AL
EAST: Red Sox. Fuck this team and their racist mongoloid fans.
CENTRAL: Indians. The Twins were a fluke, the White Sox are old, the Tigers have meh pitching, the Royals suck. Therefore, the mediocre Indians win a mediocre division.
WEST: A's. Fuck it why not. The Angels let Teixeira walk and thus have a shitty offense. Lackey, E. Santana, and Escobar are hurt at the moment. I'm going out on a limb and saying that the A's young pitching comes through and the Holliday-Giambi-Cust combo is enough.
WILD CARD: Rays. I will never pcik the Yankees, and though their rotation is awesome, I don't think their lineup is amazing, especially with Anabolex out. I think the Rays are all-around solid and that Matt Joyce will have a huge breakout year (just fucking with you LCT).

MVP: Grady Sizemore. Division winner, good player, Jeter black.
CY YOUNG: Jon Lester. If he's really good, the cancer* thing will push him over the top.
ROY: Matt Wieters seems to be some sort of combo of Johnny Bench and Jesus, so we'll go with him.

*Ok, so AIDS was the disease of the 90s and cancer has been the disease of the 2000s. What will be the disease of the next ten years? The leading contenders would probably be heavyweights like alzheimers and autism, but I can't help but root for an underdog like harlequin ichthyosis.



NL
EAST: The Mets of New York town. 4 awesome players + better bullpen - Willie Randolph + Daniel Murphy's unbridled intensity + Gary fucking Sheffield - Aaron Heilman - Scot Schoeneweis = who fucking knows, but I'm not picking the Philthies.
CENTRAL: Cubs. This is definitely the most obvious choice. Why do they even have this division any more?
WEST: Dodgers. Solid lineup, ok pitching. The D'Backs aren't bad and neither are the Giants somehow, but the Dodgers lineup is deep and Chad Billingsley will be awesome (I hope, for fantasy purposes).
WILD CARD: Phillies. Ugh. Braves have a good rotation, but the goddamn Phillies just will not go away.

MVP: Raul Ibanez. If it's not Pujols, it generally goes to the 4th or 5th best Phillie hitter.
CY YOUNG: Johan. The man, the legend.
ROY: Tommy Hanson. I think that's the Braves pitcher who will probably come up at some point. I don't really know. Who cares really? Ben Grieve once won one of these.

Ok, that is all.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The worst year in sports ends...

...with a trip to the NIT.



Of course, by worst year in sports I mean worst year for dtro's teams in recent memory. And I'm also including the 08-09 Georgetown Hoyas among 2008 teams, because that's when their season started. However, if you want to count last year's Hoyas then a disappointing second round loss to a naked mole rat also fits in with the general pattern.

Let's review here: My favorite 4 sports in order are MLB baseball, NFL football, NCAA football, NCAA basketball. All other sports and leagues are pretty much pointless in my opinion.

1) The New York Mets of 2008 were not really collapsers, but a disappointing team nonetheless. And coming off 2007 and the 06 NLCS, it's not easy to be an optimistic Mets fan. Luckily, all Mets fans are sour-minded misanthropes, so the team fits our general outlook nicely.

2) The J-E-T-S were flying high for a minute before the reality that Brett Favre is old and sucks began to mainfest itself on the field. They were a true collapse and thoroughly infuriating.

3) Michigan Football suffered its worst season since the Rutherford Hayes administration or something. New coach Rich Rodriguez proved that recruiting and not necessarily coaching itself is his strong suit. The combined play of Nick Sheridan and Steven Threet was reminiscent of a back-alley abortion, and a loss to Toledo was probably very confusing and embarassing for LCT.

4) And here we are with the Georgetown Hoyas. The team started strong with a win over Memphis and only a loss to Tennessee prior to conference play. After they won at UConn to start the Big East schedule we were looking at a ranked team that was surprising people with how quickly they had recovered from the loss of Roy Hibbert and Jonathan Wallace. And then they started to suck. They remained fringe contenders for an at-large bid to the NCAA tournament based on the fact that the Big East has been anointed the greatest college basketball conference in the history of forever and that their strength of schedule is #1 in all the land, but the bubble picture has finally been clarified by their embarassing overtime loss to St. John's last night.

Let's delve a little further into the Hoyas' season.



THE HIGHLIGHTS:

-Greg Monroe. An outstanding freshman center with decent post moves and good passing ability. He's already the best player on the team, but he's not good enough to be a freshman phenom and bolt for the NBA, meaning he should only get better next year. He should probably work on getting rebounds.

-Youth. The Hoyas only had one senior on the team, so at least they can blame part of their failure on being young. Dajuan Summers is a junior and has a claim against Monroe as the best player on the team (except that he disappears for no apparent reason during large stretches of games)so he'll be back next year as the senior leader guy or whatever. Chris Wright and Austin Freeman are sophomores and showed flashes of goodness. Henry Sims and Julian Vaughn are young guys and tall, which is nice I guess. I truly believe Georgetown has enough good players with a couple of decent recruits to be a Big East contender next year.

-Nikita Mescheriakov. A white guy in the rotation? Hell yes! The Bulgarian Bomber, as I have dubbed him, was pretty awkward looking at times but he could hit a few 3s and looked like he was trying hard. Also of note, he is from Belarus, but Bulgarian works better in my nickname for him.

THE LOWLIGHTS:

-Jesse Sapp. The Hoyas only senior was expected to provide leadership and hit some big shots, or at least hit a few shots. Unfortunately he completely forgot how to shoot and forced JT3 to use...

-...Jason Clark. He's a freshman, he's athletic, he plays hard and he's a fucking HUMAN TURNOVER MACHINE. He can't dribble, he can't pass and it looks like he just went through a growth spurt and hasn't yet adjusted to the size of his feet.

-Rebounding. Nobody, and I mean nobody, on this team can rebound. The Hoyas have been outrebounded by an average of 47-11 per game over the course of the season (note: figures are approximate/made up). You can play all the defense you want, but if everyone gets 2 or 3 shots per possession you are fucked. JT3 talked at the beginning of the year about running more, because the team was more athletic than it has been in years past, except he forgot to tell the players that in order to run you have to GET SOME MOTHERFUCKIN REBOUNDS.

-Bad losses. Getting blown out by Louisville and losing a thriller to Syracuse are acceptable. Getting swept by Cincinnati, losing to Seton Hall, and blowing a 16 point lead against a St. John's team led by a guy named Rob Thomas are not.

-Losing to Duke. I think we can all agree that it's tough to see the "Leader of Men" and Duke win any games. Fuck I hate that team.

-Luke Harangody. His torching of the Hoyas for 31 pts. and 11 boards was fucking miserable. Luke Harangody is exactly like Tyler Hansbrough...if Hansbrough were fatter, uglier, less athletic, had a retarded haircut, and bitched at the refs nonstop for 40 minutes.

I guess Georgetown technically has a chance if they win 5 games in 5 days to take the Big East Tournament crown. But that's not happening.

Look out Davidson, we're gonna get our revenge!

In the NIT!

EDIT: At least I don't root for this team.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Adjudicating the Mets' Offseason



The boss is out of the office today and there's not much going on around the internet to entertain me, so I might as well write a blog post. As you may know, I work for a huge government-run entity in the personnel security office and a large part of my job consists of fingerprinting employees, volunteers, contractors, etc. who work for this organization. Well when we receive the results of those fingerprint checks most people have no records and we simply close their case and let the coordinators know that they're ok to bring on board--these people are CLOSED FAVORABLY. Sometimes the fingerprint checks reveal a criminal/arrest record that forces us to review their files (some of the more interesting marks on people's records this week: forcible sodomy and uttering)--when we can't in good conscience let these people work for our organization they are deemed UNACCEPTABLE. Sometimes we fingerprint old and/or sweaty people and their prints do not come out clearly, meaning that a check is done based on their name, SSN, date/place of birth, etc. These "name checks" are not always accurate and thus we may have to re-print somebody whose prints were garbage--they were considered UNCLASSIFIABLE.



We can ignore 3B, SS, CF, 1B and Johan for the time being (they were simply ID renewals that had a previously acceptable investigation). Here were the 2008 Mets' problem areas, as determined by me: Bullpen, 2nd Base, Left Field, Rotation (behind Johan), Catcher. And remember, we can adjudicate Mr. Minaya's moves in three ways: closed favorably, unacceptable, or unclassifiable.



BULLPEN

Where we stood: The 2008 Mets bullpen was retardedly atrocious. Wagner got hurt in August, leaving a cast of LOOGs and ROOGs trying to preserve precious leads. They all failed pretty miserably. Heilman was all-around shitty, Dirty Duaner got tired as the year wore on, Schoeneweis and Feliciano couldn't retire righties to save their lives, ditto Joe Smith but with lefties,Luis Ayala was a National castoff who was thoroughly mediocre...you get the idea.

What we did: Clearly the bullpen was the Mets' biggest flaw in 2008 and Omar got right down to business fixing it. He signed K-Rod for 3 yrs./ $37 mil, which ain't half bad considering he dit it before the FA market bottomed out and early prediction had K-Rod looking for 5/70 or thereabouts. Omar also unloaded Heilman and Joe Smith, along with Mike carp and some lower-level prospects (and, alas, the lovable Endy Chavez) in exchange for JJ Putz and Sean Green (and Jeremy Reed, who ain't no damn Endy, lemmetellya). The Mets also threw out some minor league deals to no-names and picked up a guy named Rocky Cherry in the Rule 5 draft.

Adjudication: We picked up the best free agent closer and traded for an arguably better closer to set him up. Green is essentially a Joe Smith replacement and should be adequate. I expect a healthier and better year out of Dirty Duaner. If Wagner comes back in August the Mets could have the best bullpen in recent memory, and even without Billy that's still a hell of a one-two punch. CLOSED FAVORABLY.



SECOND BASE

Where we stood: 2nd base was a miasma of suck for the Mets last year. Castillo could barely hit his weight and couldn't move more than a few steps in either direction to field(great signing Omar!), Damion "GIDP" Easley actually tangibly looked like replacement level personified, and Argenis Reyes was an all-field no-hit bleach blonde dumbfuck.

What we did: Easley's gone, and in his place is...Alex Cora! Hooray, a 33-year old life-long bench player with a .245/.313/.348 in 2800 at bats. Alex Cora, come on down and collect your 2 million dollars.

Adjudication: Looks like Omar's crossing his fingers and hoping for Castillo to justify that contract. And $2 million isn't a ton, but I really think Omar could have allocated that money elsewhere. It's not like I wanted to go throw a bunch of money at Orlando Hudson (who might wind up being really cheap considering he's still unsigned as of this writing), but as long as Luis Castillo is hobbling around with an orange NY on his hat there is only one adjudication possible. UNACCEPTABLE.



LEFT FIELD

Where we stood: Left field was a revolving door of players of whom nothing was expected, because what the Mets and Mr. Minaya expected was for Moises Alou to play more than a couple of games. Fernando Tatis and the Superman music shocked the shit out of every one by playing quite well for several months before separating his shoulder in mid-September. Daniel Murphy burst on the scene in a big way, hitting very well in 131 at-bats during August and September. Nick Evans looked rather benchy, but hit lefties well in his limited playing time. Angel Pagan (definitely a member of the Brooklyn Cyclones Hall of Fame) had a hot start before falling over a railing at Dodger Stadium in May and ending his season. The Mets actually got OK production out of LF last year despite Omar's efforts, but none of these guys really seems like a big league leftfielder.

What we did: Closed our eyes and pretended Manny Ramirez, Adam Dunn, and Pat Burrell didn't exist. Signed a bunch of filler (Cory Sullivan, Rob Mackowiak, Bobby Kielty, etc.) to compete with Jeremy Reed for a 5th outfielder spot and round out the Buffalo roster.

Adjudication: It seems Omar is content with a Tatis-Murphy platoon in left. It seems pretty risky to expect Tatis to replicate last year's magic or Murphy to live up to his great start, and it's disappointing that that's what we have to hope for when Dunn, Burrell, and even Bobby Abreu (not a LF, but still) were had for very little money. I guess the budget is set and we can thank Bernie Madoff for that. Here's hopin that Murphy is the next John Olerud. UNCLASSIFIABLE.



ROTATION

Where we stood: Johan is a beast. Big Mike Pelfrey was great from some time in June onwards, but he threw a lot more innings than ever before and still can't strike people out. Let's hope he picks up those strikeout rates and doesn't fall victim to serious fatigue or arm issues after last year's workload. John Maine was pretty lousy and then hurt, but he still can be a solid 3 when healthy. Ollie was up and down as usual, with a stretch at the beginning of the year where he was brutal, a stretch in the middle where he convinced us all he'd finnally turned it around, and a stretch at the end where he was pretty blah; and he walked 1700 men. Pedro, as much as I love the guy, was brutally, indescribably awful.

What we did: We watched the Braves over pay for solid consistency in the form of Derek Lowe. After a long and arduously boring negotiation we re-signed Ollie for 3 yrs./$36 mil, which seems ok until you read smart people explain how much he's actually worth. We signed Tim Redding to a major-league $2.25 mil contract, which seemed fine at the time, but then the market went downhill and I realized we could have had 7 Tim Reddings or maybe even someone better for that. We signed Freddy Garcia to a minor league deal with a bunch of incentives. And for some goddamn reason we just signed Livan Hernandez and invited him to St. Lucie.

Adjudication: I can't help but feel that Omar paid a bunch of money to tread water. I love Ollie and I hate that Derek Lowe contract, but he's a proven commodity and a better bet to be good despite his age. I do like the fact that the Mets actually have some rotational depth this year, with Jon Niese, Redding, and Garcia all in the running for that 5th spot. I expect Garcia to make the rotation and Redding to serve as the long man/injury insurance to start the year. All in all, meh. UNCLASSIFIABLE.



CATCHER

Where we stood: With the trading away of Schoeneweis and my soon to come assassination of Luis Castillo, Brian Schneider is my least favorite Met. Whether it's sour grapes from the Milledge trade, the fact that he hit's like a little bitch, or the fact that he CAN"T BLOCK A BALL IN THE FUCKING DIRT, I can't stand the guy. He clearly is not a good catcher. Ramon Castro can hit some bombs, but he's hurt all the damn time and was again last year. Robinson Cancel looks like a retired-and-now-gotten-fat Ninja Turtle, but that doesn't mean he should be on an MLB roster.

What we did: Not a damn thing, although there weren't really any options. If they could have gotten Varitek for cheap and then fed him to sharks on live TV that would've been OK.

Adjudication: Well there weren't really any great options out there. We didn't really have the prospects to get one of the Rangers' catchers or Montero from Arizona. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that Omar didn't sign PudgeRod. Lest we forget though, Omar traded Lastings Milledge for Schneider and also let Washington scoop up Jesus Flores in the Rule 5 draft two years ago. Thank God we were able to hold on to Julio Franco for half of 2007, where would we have been without him. UNACCEPTABLE.

What have we learned: Nothing really. If Ryan Church and Delgado play like their good halves of 2008 this coming year we got a shot. Otherwise, we're looking at last year's team with a bullpen. At least I'm not LCT, though, because the Tigers are gonna suck.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

25 Random Baseball Things about me

So I read this post from Shysterball this morning and J9 recently tagged me in one of those facebook random things about you notes, so I thought it might be a good idea to try this. If you don't feel like clicking on the link, the idea is to take that facebook 25 random things bit and apply it to your experiences/thoughts about baseball. Since I haven't written about baseball here in a while (mostly due to the Mets' lackluster offseason) this will be a nice change of pace:



1. Obviously, I am a big Mets fan, although I can't exactly pinpoint when this became the case. I don't think it was a conscious decision, just the result of my dad taking me to so many Mets games over the years because the tickets were cheaper and Shea was easier to get to. I don't like to think about it, but if I had grown up in the Bonx or Manhattan instead of Brooklyn I might have been a Yankees fan. Wait, no. I have too much integrity for that.

2. Actually, there might be another reason I became a Mets fan besides the obvious geographical convenience. My dad grew up in Indiana as a Tigers fan (and somewhat Indians fan--I guess he liked whoever Rocky Colavito was playing for)during the 1950s. Therefore, like most God-fearing human beings he hated the Yankees and had to follow the Mets when he and my mother moved to New York in the early 70s (he came to NY in 1973, just in time to see the Ya Gotta Believe! Mets make a run to the World Series).

3. During a family trip to see one of my dad's friends who lived in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, we went to Dyersville--home of the Field of Dreams. I was about 8 or 9 I think and there was supposed to be an old-timers game. Well, the game was rained out but it was still a memorable day. As we were walking towards the corn behind the outfield grass, a guy with a microphone and a camera walked up and started interviewing me and my sister about baseball. If I recall correctly I think I told him I liked fielding better than hitting and he told us that we were going to be on some TV station in Wisconsin (I think). Later that day there was an autograph session in some big barn thing by the field and I met Mudcat Grant. I remember being really shy and intimidated and that he asked me if I was a "Bubba." I couldn't really understand his accent and when my dad told me what he asked me I had no idea what a "Bubba" was. I still have no idea.

4. Anyone who knows me well knows that my favorite player of all-time is Cal Ripken Jr. Well, because of my love for Cal I was a big Orioles fan as a kid, which meant that Jeffrey Maier hit me harder than your average Yankee ill-wisher. I really hate that kid.



5. From the more about Cal Ripken files:

The first time I saw Cal Ripken was in the old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore meaning it must have been 1991 when I was four years old. I remember being frightened because the upper deck was insanely steep, and that I asked my dad who "that tall man" was. I wasn't much interested in the game, only in the guy who, even from afar, seemed to tower over everyone on the infield. That man was of course Cal Ripken Jr.

In grade school, our librarian (and later gym teacher when P.S. 261 phased out the library in favor of more gym--who needs books when we can just play dodgeball!) Mr. Gelband would have us do a report every year on a famous/historical figure. I remember one year I was Wild Bill Hickok. The idea was to read a book about that person and then dress up as them a present a report to the class as that person. Most people did someone like Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart, Abe Lincoln, etc. Well one year, I think 4th grade probably, I read Cal Ripken's autobiography (the one with a bunch of photographs, I don't remember what it was called), and put on an Orioles t-shirt and hat to give my report. I had a buzz cut back then and really light blonde hair, so I probably pulled off the balding thing pretty well.

6. As a youngster, most of our family road trips revolved around going to see baseball games and I have therefore been to more big league stadiums and minor league games than just about anyone my age I know. Like when Muggs told me she was from Frederick, I was like "Oh, home of the Frederick Keys" and I have actually been there. Or when she talked about an uncle in Hagerstown, I can relate that to the fact that I have sat on a hill behind left field at a Hagerstown Suns game. Anyway, here are the MLB stadiums where I've seen a game: Shea, Yankee Stadium, The Vet, Citizens Bank Park, Memorial Stadium (Baltimore), Camden Yards(I went to the first ever game-an exhibition against the Mets), RFK, Nationals Stadium, Tropicana Field, Three Rivers, PNC Park, Wrigley, Cellular One/New Comiskey (whatever it's called), Miller Park, Municipal Stadium (Cleveland), Jacobs Field, Tiger Stadium, Comerica. Pretty good for 22 and never really travelled much west of the Mississippi.

7. When I was 7, we finally made the jump up from teeball to live pitching in the 78th Precinct league. To ease the change the team's coach would pitch to the players for half the year with players getting to pitch in the second half of the season. I was a decent hitter but without much pop and even though our coach's son was my size or smaller (and I was a small kid) he was smacking extra base hits like crazy off his dad for the first half of the year. Well, when kids started pitching and his daddy wasn't grooving him slowballs at his belt he couldn't hit shit and I had the highest average on the team against "live" pitching.

8. I was a kind of little league journeyman, hopping from team to team every couple of years. From the ages of 5-15 I played for 78th Precinct, the Bonnies, Grace of Gravesend, Amity, Bergen Beach, and then back to the Bonnies (never did go over to St. Columba...or the Latin Souls for that matter). This of course was due to the fact that my dad inevitably had some sort of falling out or disagreement with whoever I was playing for. It was generally to get me somewhere where I had a chance to play more (although at least one of them was due to a personal injustice my dad felt we had suffered) and it was pretty frustrating at the time. Now it kinda cracks me up.

9. The first and only homerun I remember hitting was at Marine Park when I was 8 and playing for the Bonnies against Bergen Beach (which was NOT a good team). I was a good shortstop and hitting in the 8-hole all year (to give you an idea of my hitting ability) and I had just recently bought a new TPX bat that was black with red and gold lettering. I was a singles hitter mostly and everyone knew it (since we played the same 4 or 5 teams several times), so the outfield was playing pretty shallow. Well, I finally connected on a high fastball and sent it over the centerfielder's head and it kept rolling and rolling. Man, I loved that bat.

10. I have had some pretty bad injuries playing baseball. When I was 8 or 9 (Bonnies) I got a concussion in practice. We were practicing throwing down to second on steals and I was covering second when one of my teammates came barrelling in without sliding. He was wearing a helmet, I was not and helmet-to-head collisions usually wind up bad for your head. Later when I was 9 I fractured a growth plate in my right shoulder from overthrowing. When you pitch the day after a practice that featured steady long-tossing you better be older than 9. I missed the rest of that season and my fastball was never the same again.

My worst, or at least most immediately awful-looking, injury from baseball was when I was 11. Once again it was at practice, and we were practicing pickoff throws to second. I was a second baseman on that team and when I went to cover second for the throw the sun was directly in my eyes and I couldn't see the ball coming. Unfortunately, the pitcher making the throw was Tommy Costa, the hardest throwing 11 year old I've ever seen, and the ball hit me directly in the face and broke my nose. I didn't realize what happened until I looked down and saw the glove I had been holding to my face was filled with blood. I had a shiner on both eyes for weeks.

11. The worst seats I have ever had at a game were at old Tigers Stadium. My great aunt, Auntie Nan, took me and my sister to a day game and got cheap seats behind the left field wall. The view directly in front of me was a post supporting the upper level. I appreciate the effort though, Auntie Nan.

12. The best team I ever played for was the 10-year old Our Lady of Grace (Gravesend) team. I played right field, because the middle infield positions were already held by players who had been with Grace for a few years (remember, I was a journeyman) and hit second. I hit .480 that year (and probably with a Bonds-ian OBP) and we won our league and the Babe Ruth League qualifying tournament with a remarkable run after losing our first game in a double-elimination tournament. We went to a Babe Ruth League World Series in Frederick, MD (home of the Keys!) facing off against teams from all over the mid-Atlantic and northeast. Standing on a mound of dirt watiting for our coach's speech after the second game we lost (to a team from Buffalo, I think), i.e. the one that eliminated us from the series, is the only time I remember crying after a baseball game.

13. I attended Doc Gooden's no-hitter. I went with my dad and a former coach and teammate. I went to see Griffey and I got to see a former Met great throw a no-hitter...for the Yankees. Still waiting on that Mets no-hitter--Ollie, Johan, somebody?

14. The first time I ever got drunk was in the spring of my freshman year in high school. The next day was the first time I ever played baseball hungover or even had a hangover for that matter. I hit four doubles over the course of a double-header. So, yeah, I understand how David Wells threw a perfect game hungover.

15. I was at Shea in 1999 when Robin Ventura hit a grand slam in both games of a double-header, the only time it's been done in MLB history. The dark secret, of course, is that he hit the first one in the first inning of game one and we were just pulling into the parking lot so I only heard it on the radio. I usually just tell people I was there for both.



16. That '99 Mets team is my favorite team ever. My favorite Met ever is Edgardo Alfonzo, followed by Jose Reyes (clearly I have a soft spot for middle infielders). Maybe my favorite baseball memory is sitting in my parents bed with my mom and dad watching Ventura's "grand single" soar through the raindrops at Shea.

17. I was at the Todd Pratt game. My dad's friend Richie got 4 tickets and my dad drove me and my sister out to the game. We went in while he stayed in the parking lot listening to it on the radio. We sat with Richie and his girlfriend Peg in the last row of the Loge in fair territory by the left-field foul pole. We couldn't see pop-ups and we had to strain our necks down to either side for most of the game. But goddamn if we didn't have a great view of that ball going off Steve Finley's glove. And we went fuckin nuts.

18. My dad taught me and my sister to keep score when we were very young, and we both still do it pretty frequently when we're at a game. However, I've learned that the Trott method of scoring differs slightly from the more popular method: on fly outs rather than putting F8 or F7, etc. we put the number with a circle around it (a circled number with a line under it is a line out).

19. When I was 12 I learned how to throw a curveball, and let me tell you, I threw a wicked fucking curveball. I never blew my fastball past people at that point (see #10), but I kept hitters off balance with a mix of pitches. This was the age when kids were just starting to throw curves and nobody knew how to hit them, so I was a pretty effective pitcher. As I got older and kids learned to adjust to the curve, though, that lack of great velocity did me in.

20. I was at the Jeter-Mr. November game and I was probably the only one in the stdaium rooting for the Diamondbacks. 9/11 or no, I was sticking to my principles. Later in that series I broke my World History textbook in half when I threw it on the floor after Soriano hit that go-ahead homer in game 7. That game 4 and that series were outstanding.



21. My dad got two season tickets down the third base line for the inaugural season of the Brooklyn Cyclones. That team, that season, that setting was totally electric that year. I caught a couple of t-shirts thrown into the crowd over the course of the season, and I thought Party Marty was awesome. Only later did I find out that he was a jerk (except that I found that out from my friend Timmy, who, in Party Marty's defense, had just run out onto the field uninvivted for the singing of Happy Birthday even though it wan't his birthday and he was a good 6 years older than everyone else out there).

22. I am pretty sabermetrically-oriented as a baseball fan, but have only become that way over the last few years. I remember my dad telling me a number of years ago that the most important baseball stat, in his opinion, was RBIs and it made total sense to me at the time. Of course, as my knowledge of the game has progressed I now find myself disagreeing with my dad about baseball more and more frequently. I bought him Rob Neyer's Big Book of Baseball Legends and I don't think he got the point. We do seem to agree on our generally positive regard for Tim Marchman and on the fact that Omar Minaya is not very good at his job.

23. I have gone to one baseball game by myself: this one. It was during the summer of 2006 when I was temping at the Pfizer gym and I really wanted to go to a game, but couldn't get anyone to go with me. I went anyway and got a $5 box down the right field line in the upper deck, but moved down closer to the infield in the first row of the mezzanine. Before the game started an usher came to check the tickets of a group of guys a section over from me who had done the same thing and made them leave, but he left me alone because I was by myself. Reyes hit for the cycle, Jose Valentin hit a homer to put the Mets ahead in the 7th (he hit lefty against a lefty which was pretty cool), and then Billy Wagner blew what had been an awesome game in the 9th. I think I might try going to a game by myself again some time soon.

24. I took batting lessons for several years from a man named Mel Zitter out at the batting cages in Funstation USA on Victory Blvd. in Staten Island. Mel had been one of Manny Ramirez' coaches when Manny was a kid in Washington Heights and played for Youth Service (a team I played against most of my childhood). Mel never missed an opportunity to remind you that he had coached Manny and he always sort of bothered me. The longish drive combined with Mel's annoyingness and the fact that my hitting wasn't really improving made me dread those lessons. One of my happiest afternoons is when my dad's vanagon ran out of gas getting off the Staten Island Expressway and we missed the lesson.

Addendum: It was while taking a batting lesson from Mel that a film crew from Channel 7 Eyewitness News taped me taking swings in the cage (while still wearing my Catholic scool khakis) and played it during a report about the dangers of aluminum bats in high school baseball. My parents have a tape of that somewhere.

25. I quit playing baseball after the summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school. I had played JV the year before, but I didn't make the varsity my junior year and I was really disheartened. I mean REALLY disheartened. I decided on the day I didn't see myself on the roster posted outside Coach Duffel's office that I was done playing baseball. It took me a few months to tell my dad, and he was so mad we didn't speak for several weeks. Baseball had consumed my life, but I had been so focused on playing it that I didn't really like it that much at that point. It felt like it had become a burden and more my father's hobby than my own. I sometimes regret quitting, not knowing if I did so on my own terms. But now I think I like baseball more. It's something to enjoy in my spare time, something I still get wrapped up in but can also ignore or follow as I please. It's still the thing that best connects me and my father. And anyway I wasn't really THAT good.

Bonus Fact: Boyce and I spent the better part of an hour smoking cigarettes with Cliff Floyd's little brother Julius during a game at PNC Park a couple years ago. Boyce won a trip to Pittsburgh from a text trivia thing at Shea, and I think I freaked Julius out when I asked if his family called his brother Cornelius.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Shine on you crazy Razor

The Mets have already made thier best acquisition of the off-season by hiring this gentleman to be the new 3rd base coach:






Anthony Razor Shines (like Jerry Manuel) is a former horrible Expo player from the 1980s, who describes himself as a "Motherfuckin' Human Switchblade." He became infamous in Chicago in 2007 for wearing a razorblade neckalce and always wielding a straight razor in the coach's box to intimidate the opponents' 3rd baseman into making errors:

Razor also once tried to murder AJ Pierzynski with a razor phone just to get a laugh out of his boy Thome. He did not appreciate Erstad being there:


Razor has the ability to enlarge his hand and turn it purple. He also doesn't suck total ass like Luis Aguayo.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Aww shucks

Well that sucked. The Mets once again blew their chance at the playoffs by losing to the Florida Marlins on the last day of the season. My congratulations to Peanut, who can't even name half the Brewers roster because he is a Packers fan...sorry about that. The Brewers haven't been in the playoffs since 1982, so I wish them the best, i.e. I hope they destroy the Phillies and then fail miserably against the Cubs and get to watch their hired gun leave for millions of dollars from the Yankees for whom Sabathia will be horrible for several months while recovering from the lingering pain that Ned Yost, Dale Sveum and the rest of the Brewers inflicted by making him throw 300 innings in a three-month span.




Anyhoo, the Mets. This is the 2008 Mets:





Jerry Manuel walking to the mound to take the ball from a shitty reliever just about sums this team up, doncha think? Billy Wagner was having a pretty lousy year by his standards, but when he went down so did any hope for the Mets to salvage this season. Luis Ayala, a man who the Nationals wanted to get rid of, was our closer for the final month of the season. Every single pitcher out of the bullpen was horrible with ridiculous lefty-righty splits (except for reverse splitter Duaner Sanchez). A lot of people over on metsblog and metsgeek seem to be bitching about David Wright and this team's lack of clutch hitting. Yes, that was certainly the case during the final weekend, but c'mon. This team tied with the Phillies for 2nd in the league in runs scored despite Brian Schneider, Luis Castillo, a revolving door outfield, etc. etc. There is nobody to blame here except for a bullpen that had 837 blown saves (statistic not official).

Sunday was a horrible ending to a disappointing season, but to pretend that I'm nearly as mad as last year would be wrong. The only reason I'm mad is because of last year. If the Mets had made the playoffs last year we'd be talking about the 2008 mets as a team that nearly overcame a bunch of injuries and a horrible bullpen to make the playoffs. Instead, they are labelled as chokers for the 2nd straight year. Yes, they choked in a very minor way over the past week---5 runs against Volstad, Nolasco, Olsen is horrible. They also lost that game against the cubs that they clearly should have won. FERNANDO TATIS, was a regular outfielder for half the year, and they almost made it (speaking of which, Fernando Tatis is the man!). Pedro Martinez was hurt half the time and Trachselesque the other half, and they almost made it. Luis Ayala was our closer down the stretch, and they almost made it. Scott Schoeneweis was on the roster, and they almost made it. Luis Castillo will be on the team for the next seven years, and they almost made it. Willie Randolph was allowed to flounder around until June, and they almost made it. OMAR MINAYA IS OUR GM, and they almost made it.




Which reminds me, fuck Omar Minaya and fuck the Wilpons for giving him a four-year extension. Giving Omar Minaya four years is almost as stupid as giving Luis Castillo four years, leading me to believe that the only other person (besides the Wilpons) dumb enough to extend Omar Minaya would be...Omar Minaya. Check out these team payrolls. Omar Minaya was given over $138 million dollars and converted that into 89 wins (LCT, you may not want to click on that link). Well, in 2007 he took $118 million and gave us 88 wins. Therefore, since 2006, that's $256 million for a slightly above average team. He took an extra 20 mil (most of which is Johan) and created 1 more win. Omar Minaya is not good at his job. He is constantly uncreative in putting together a bullpen and a bench. He prefers old and friendly players to young and/or talented ones. Marlon Anderson had a couple good months pinch-hitting? 2 years, 2.2 million. Luis Castillo is able to hobble his way to a decent OBP and was once a good player? 4 years, $25 million. Julio Franco is old and provides leadership? Protect him, not JESUS FLORES on the 40-man roster. Somebody was once on the Minaya-led Expos? Sign him up---Endy Chavez, Brian Schneider, Ryan Church, Fernando Tatis, Luis Ayala, Tony Armas, Claudio Vargas, get 'em all.

Here are the 3 good things Minaya has done with the Mets:
1)traded Kris Benson for Jorge Julio and John Maine, then traded Julio for El Duque
2)traded Xavier Nady for Roberto Hernandez and Oliver Perez
3)extended Jose Reyes and David Wright for multi-year below-market contracts
Those are good things.

Here are some good things that have happened under Minaya's watch:
1)signed Carlos Beltran
2)signed Pedro Martinez (only if you buy into the whole "he changed the culture" around here thing, which I do somewhat. At the very least I think he made the Mets a more viable free agency destination)
3)traded Carlos Gomez et al. for Johan Santana
Those are good things that ANYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN AND A BAZILLION DOLLARS TO WORK WITH could have done.

Here are some bad things that Omar Minaya has done:
1)Heath Bell (and Royce Ring) for Ben Johnson and Jon Adkins
2)Brian Bannister for Ambiorix Burgos
3)Henry Owens and Matt Lindstrom for Jason Vargas and Adam Bostick
4)Luis Castillo, Marlon Anderson, Julio Franco (over Jesus Flores)
5)LASTINGS MILLEDGE for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider (Church was solid, then hurt, then terrible. Schneider is a bad hitter, a decent thrower, and TERRIBLE AT ACTUALLY CATCHING PITCHES)
6)The whole Willie Randolph saga: Let me just say that I believe the only reason Willie Randolph was not fired after the debacle of 2007 is because Omar was using him as his fall guy. And guess what? it worked. When the Mets were playing like shit for the first two months, Willie got the blame and Omar eventually fired him after a long, drawn-out and embarassing saga. Jerry Manuel took over, the Mets played better, and Omar got an extension. Is Willie wholly responsible for the Mets being lousy? No. Is Jerry whole responsible for the Mets being pretty good? No. Is someon responsible for the Mets being lousy and then pretty good and thereby little better than mediocre? Yes, his name is Omar Minaya.

OK, enough for now. This season sucked, this weekend sucked, this team sucked. It's still not as bad as last year, but it's getting harder and harder to be a Mets fan, especially when the ownership doesn't recognize that the man they put in charge is shit at his job.

I'll have some more this week on my memories of Shea and who to root for in the playoffs (Hint: the freakin' Tampa Bay Rays).

Monday, September 15, 2008

Creeping Sense of Dread and LT is a Pussy




Oh sweet merciful Christ, the Mets are taking years off my life by forcing me to punch solid objects and chain smoke in frustration. Listen we all know this team has been relatively resilient in recent months, but you can't be too resilient when your closer is Luis Ayala---who in a former life was just about the worst reliever on the Mets' local AAA affiliate here in our nation's capital. Thanks a lot Billy Wagner, I hoped you've pitched your last game on earth and die in a hunting accident you redneck turd. This shit is just too eerily reminiscent of last year. And fuck peanut's Brewers for completely shitting the bed all weekend.


So do I go to the games this week? I can't go tonight, but should I show up for a tired Pelfrey tomorrow, or should I see whatever junk they throw out on Wednesday (Brandon Knight?)? I know the bullpen will lose on Thursday cuz Santana's pitching. And let's not forget the Nats put up 18 runs on the Mets in 2 games last week. Fuckity fuck. I guess I need to go to a couple just so I can see Elijah Dukes commit the first on-field homicide in baseball history (please let it be Castillo).



Ouchies! I stubb my toe, no can play football!

Show your face you visor wearing pussy! If you're gonna be hurt make it a torn ACL or a malignant tumor, not a toe injury. Fuck, I know a Lebanese kid who played half a soccer season for Xavier with a broken toe. He had to run and KICK you dipshit. You are no longer able to use the name LT, because the real LT would play through the pain of a toe injury by completely numbing the area with a kilo of coke before plowing through 50 rails and raping three strippers. Then he would go out and break people's femurs for no good reason other than the fact that he was a violent maniac who wanted nothing more out of life than to break people's legs, do some coke, and rape strippers who looked like they were asking for it. And he wore dangly earrings just so guys would come up to him and make fun of him and then he would have an excuse to break their legs and rape their wives or girlfriends and if they were single he would punch their mothers in the throat and go do some coke and murder a tranny hooker. This is the second week in a row my team has fallen like 40 points short of their projected total, and those don't even take into account the 20 points I get from my defensive players. And while we're at it Maurice Jones-Drew can fuck himself too, because it's his fault the Jags O-line is fucked with injuries. 10 points from my 2 running backs?! Way to combine to be equal to Thomas Jones you fucks. And Ben Roethlisberger will you please stop throwing to that Asian man in the red zone, didn't you get the memo that this is Santonio Holmes' breakout year? And Kitna, your team wears blue and silver, do not throw it to people wearing colors different from your own.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I'm back! And the Mets still suck

I have decided to make my return to redstripe and chonic due to the incessant clamoring of my reader(s). First off, I clearly have to talk about the Mets and this post is going to naturally be negative as they are fucking losing 10-0 to the motherfucking horrible Seattle Mariners. Let's actually clarify that a little more. Ollie gave up 5 er in 5 innings and 8 baserunners, and he's on my fantasy team and really can't suck now because Marcum and Zambrano (the one that I don't want to repeatedly punch in the throat) both went on the dl last week. Also, Gary Cohen just reminded me of something I read on metsgeek, which is that we are getting shut out by R.A. Dickey, a man who was born without his medialcollateralolioislal ligament. That's the ligament they fix/replace when they do Tommy John surgery and he doesn't even fucking have one. And the mets can't hit him of course...a team could come out with Dickey, Jim Abbot, Johnny Cancerboy Lester, the exhumed corpse of Mordecai "3-finger" Brown, and that kid Terry with one leg who almost made the Xavier freshman team and see how many times a cripple can strike out Delgado.





Anyway, let's get on to the now old news: the Mets fired Willie Randolph. As is the Mets wont, the Wilpons and the front office handled this with a complete lack of class, tact, or basic common sense. The Wilpons put the whole thing on Minaya, then repeatedly leaked things to the press hinting at Randolph's imminent demise in order to force Omar's hand. Then they made the man fly 3000 miles and fired him in the middle of the night after a win. Not that the win mattered, but really? You couldn't just fire him on Sunday and have started the road trip with Jerry Manuel? My problem is not that Willie got fired. He was not a good manager. But he was fired 9 months too fucking late, and at that point it just felt like a total distraction from the real problems of the team. The Mets have 5 good players that I can count: Reyes, Wright, Beltran, Santana, and Maine. Ollie is hit or miss, and Billy Wagner can suck a dick. Ok, so we'll call it 6 1/2 good players. Pelfrey may be added to the list at a later date. Willie Randolph did not sign those people. But Willie Randolph also did not refuse to find a solid backup plan for Alou or Delgado or Pedro. Willie Randolph did not pretend that the Milledge thing was a good idea just because Church played way over his head for two months. The fact that Ryan Church being hurt is such an enormous blow to the Mets lineup is retarded...and not Willie's fault. Willie Randolph did not ensure that Luis "Gimp" Castillo will be a Met in 2011.



Read my last sentence again. Look at the picture above. Now tell me who should be fired? Our biggest fucking hits this year have come from Fernando Tatis, Robinson Cancel, and Damion Easley. That is not a product of shrewd management and picking up overlooked guys. That is 3 lucky fucking hits from some of the washed-up schmucks with whom Omar Minaya has littered this Mets roster. Are you old (and preferrably Latino, though that's neither here nor there)? Were you once good like in the late 90s or somehow connected to the Expos organization? Are you out of work due to the fact that 29 teams have recognized your significantly diminished skills? Well come to the Mets! We have room for all of you! All of this means that the Wilpons fired the wrong guy. Or at least they fired one guy too few.

When LCT happily told me "thank god Pudge will not be the Tigers' catcher next year," I jokingly told him that he would be the Mets catcher... Except I don't know if I was joking.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Guess Who's Back?!!

The man. The legend. Lastings Darnell Milledge!

I've missed my boy in the argyle sweater. He's off to a decent start--308/351/442 with only one jack. Captain redass can suck my balls, though. We'll see how the modern day Hank Aaron performs in his return to Shea and what kind of welcome the fans give him. Those fuckers out at the stadium better cheer him and then throw bottles at Omar's box, otherwise this fanbase has truly jumped the shark (booing Johan? BLASPHEMY!).

Well, actually, I hope Pelfrey shuts 'em down. And I get to watch this series on MASN! Sweet!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Baseball is back...

...and guess what? The Mets fucking suck. Well not totally, but they're 2-4 as of today and they already wasted a great start by Santana. And why do the Mets suck?

My short answer is the combination of the two men in the center of this picture. Willie Randolph is still a bad manager and Scott Schoeneweis (correct spelling) cannot get righties out. However, somebody neglected to tell Willie this fact, and so he let that fuck pitch to Rollins and Victorino who got hits and loaded the bases for Carlos "Ironhands" Delgado to make an error(Feliciano was in PR on family business, but I get the feeling Willie wouldn't have used him anyway). Fuckity fuck. That game yesterday (and thank god I can't watch them down here, b/c I would break my hand punching a fridge) was very reminiscent of last September. As I intimated in my reactions to the Santana trade this team's lineup is pretty weak after Beltran (not to mention Jose isn't getting on base so far) so we really need our pitching to step up. Pedro's hurt and Willie really likes Scho and Sosa, so we may be up shit creek here.












In other baseball news: LCT's and Pankey's team suck too. Worse than the Mets, so far. In a comment on my last post I made some cursory predictions for the MLB this year. I have decided to amend these, cop out style, with the benefit of a week+ of games. Here they go:

AL:

EAST-Red Sox---they are the best team in the AL still
CENTRAL-Indians--more complete than the Tigers, w/ the best 1-2 punch in baseball
WEST-Angels--the Mariners still suck in my opinion and the Angels are good enough, even with Lackey and Escobar hurt, to win this shit-ass division
WILD CARD-Tigers--I can't bring myself to pick the Yank$ and I assume these guys are gonna start hitting like motherfuckers
MVP-Manny Ramirez--he's off to a hot start and will get tons of RBIs on that team, barely edges out Miguel Cabrera (EDIT: and maybe ARod)
CY YOUNG-Fausto Carmona--he's my favorite pitcher in the AL; just fucking nasty
ROY-Fuck should I know?

NL:

EAST-Mets--I know I said they suck, but they're still good; I still like their rotation better than the Braves or Philthies
CENTRAL-Cubs--Sorry, peanut. They're better all-around than the Brewers with an adequate lineup and deepish rotation in a weak division
WEST-D'backs--Sorry, pankey. Webb and Haren plus all their young hitters improving makes them my favorite. This division is really tight except for the Giants. To me, the Rockies don't have the pitching, the Padres don't have the hitting, and the Dodgers will find too much time for Juan Pierre no matter what Torre says. (Addendum, Ned Coletti is really really stupid)
WILD CARD-Braves--I know, I know. How can I pick the Braves, when I can't bring myself to pick the Yank$? I hate to pick them, but they have a very good lineup and enough pitching to beat out the Phillies. The Brewers should put up a good fight until Ben Sheets ruptures his spleen in July, and the teams in the West are just gonna beat the shit out of each other.
MVP-David Wright--DWright will lock up his second in a row with another outstanding year...what? what's that you say? Jimmy Rollins won last year because his team won one more game despite Wright outplaying him in basically every facet of the game? Despite him being the 3rd or possibly 4th best hitter on his own team? Fuck that shit.
CY YOUNG-Johan Santana--I don't like to be too homerish or make wild predictions. But Johan will win 42 games with a 0.23 ERA and 400+ strikeouts. Roughly.
ROY-You ever get mad at a roofed-in stadium and don't know exactly how to express your anguish? Say it with me: FUK-U-DOME.

Up next: I feel like I should talk about the pregnant dude. Fucking creepy as shit.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Johan is a Met...

...fuck...yes!

Well, the terms of the deal are still foggy at this point. It looks like a 6 year extension at about $22 mil per year, on top of this year (with a 7 mil boost this year). All told that's seven years of Johan, and that's alright by me.

The more I think about this trade, the more I like it. For most of the offseason I was kind of against a trade for him, because it would essentially be gutting our farm system for the right to pay Santana $150 million. Now that it's done, and the Mets held on to F-Mart and Pelfrey, it really looks awesome. This 08 mets team has a great rotation, should have enough arms to put together a solid bullpen, and if MLB will let us use a three-man lineup (i.e. bat Reyes, Wright, and Beltran over and over again) we should be able to score enough runs.

"If I play my cards right, I can get siete platanos and a pot of sancocho for that young man"

Hey, Omar! Fuck your...er...eh, I'll let him off for a little while. I don't think Omar Minaya is a very good general manager, but his ability to make this Santana deal at least proves to me that he is not completely and utterly useless. He still made one really, really bad trade and signed Luis "the Gimp" Castillo to a 4-year deal. This team has some flaws at 2nd (although Gimp's decent OBP should save him this year), Catcher (fucking plumber), RF (Jew-hater) especially when lefties are pitching, and LF (b/c Old-Man Alou is guaranteed to break a hip at some point). Delgado better return to 06 form, and Jose can't shit the bed at the end of the season again. All that said, I like the Mets chances this year.

At least Omar got rid of most of the young guys in the organization, so Professor Willie won't get too confused.

Where's Mota?

Joe Buck: "Mets, Diamondbacks. Santana, Haren. Martinez, Webb. It's the NLCS, next on Fox."