There's Drugs Everywhere!!!

Two recent stories caught my attention, because I like drugs, toys, and to a much lesser extent fecal matter.

First off there has been a wide recall of certain Chinese-made toys throughout the US, Australia and South Africa, because they contain a chemical that when processed by the body turn into the date rape drug GHB. The problem was first noticed among Australian kids who ingested the toys and then proceeded to have seizures and pass out. The toys, which are called Aquadots in the US, have also been linked to a severe rise in sexual assaults and "date rapes" among kindergarteners nationwide, and a preprepre-teen pregnancy epidemic. Jimmy, a 4-year old Arkansas boy, said he realized the power of Aquadots early on. "I like aquadots. I put them in my friend Emily's Juicy Juice and then I can play doctor with her all day long."

On a side note, who are these parents giving their children little tiny balls made in China. For fuck sake, of course they're gonna try and eat them, because kids are fucking stupid. Although maybe this has taught some children a valuable lesson about self-respect and the importance of never demeaning yourself to the point where you allow balls in your mouth.

In other news , Mother Teresa up here could be a drug-dealer. That's right folks, there is a new drug fad sweeping teens of America: Jenkem. Butthash, as it is more commonly known (and as it shall be referred to on this site), is made from putting a bunch of piss and shit in a jar and fermenting it. You cover the top of the jar with a balloon, and then you huff that sweet, delicious gas. Sounds pretty gross right? But the high is far from shitty (haha). Butthash causes the user to pass out at first and then go on a euphoric hallucinogenic trip for quite a while. Check out this little dookiesmoker:

"It's not all bad," said Metamucil President and CEO, John Fink. "We've always done well with the older crowd, but this butthashish has really allowed us to crack into the 13-25 demographic."

One detractor of the new drug, MPD chief Antonio Jefferson, cited not only its serious health risks, but the rising level of crime associated with butthash: "We instituted the party patrol, but now I'm afraid we're going to have to add more cops just to deal with all those turdburglars."

(Thanks to LCT for the tip on butthash)