Snow Day

Ok, so I'm the idiot who actually came in to work today not remembering that our nation's capital shuts the hell down when there's a few inches of snow. Naturally, no one else from my office is here, but my boss's boss just came by and thanked me for coming in and offered to help throughout the day (translation---I can't leave at 9:30 like I was planning to if no one else showed up). DC shutting down when there's a bit of snow is one thing that bothers me. Here are some other things that have been bothering me lately:

-Metro escalators: you stand on the right side, you walk on the left side. It's really very easy, but people not knowing where to stand is just a minor quibble of mine, because they might be tourists and not know any better. If you are going to walk down the escalator, though, then FUCKING WALK WITH SOME PURPOSE. I don't have time to be caught in the left lane behind your moseying ass. Just walk fast or stand to the side you jerk.

-Save the Children: thank God it's snowing today, because it actually spared me from having to make pretend phone calls or quickly walk away and avert my eyes to avoid the Save the Children people who usually hang around outside my office building. Listen I hate poverty and want to help orphans as much as the next guy, but with, you know, moral support---like remote pity and such. I'm at work here and I've got rent to pay, and you've seen me enough by now to know that I'm not signing up for some monthly payment plan.

-Dubious charitable donations: There's the thing, Save the Children and Greenpeace (who are occasiaonally lurking in front of the Chipotle down the block from my apartment) don't want you to know. I know what you're up to. I know you don't just get people to donate money, but make them sign up for some sort of ongoing payment thing. Don't try to guilt me into something when you're pulling the same tricks magazines do when they have "free" subscriptions around Christmas. The jig is up you charitable bastards.

-People bumming cigarettes and then needing a light too: do you smoke or don't you? I only gave you that cigarette under the assumption that you were an unfortunate smoker caught without any more smokes.

-People asking me for directions: what is it? Do I just always look like a local or like I know where I'm going? I think I must be the most approachable looking guy in New York or Washington, DC, because wherever I am I get stopped on the steet and asked for directions once a week. And I really don't know where I'm going in DC so I just make stuff up half the time.

-No sports. G'Town basketball is rather disappointing this year as they fight for an undeserved at-large bid on the strength of the Big East's ability to claim that it is the greatest sports conference of all-time. The NBA and NHL are a joke. Why can't Spring Training last for only a week.

-People looking at me funny just cause I'm reading a book called Cannabis: A History on the train. I'm not a pothead and fuck all you old ladies for even thinking that.