The 81st Annual Academy Awards have come and gone and they were long and they were boring. And yet I watched them for some reason. Here are my two cents on what has been termed the Super Bowl for women. Although, I think the Oscars are more like Olympic Figure Skating if it was held every year.
-I'm glad Benjamin Button was recognized in the way it was, i.e. it got make-up and visual effects type awards, because those elements of the movie were actually very good. It was the other stuff in the movie, like the acting and story, that sucked.
-Why did they keep moving the cameras around during the "people who died this year" montage. Once we see that it's Queen Latifah singing then just show the video, because we know it's her and can hear her voice. And when you show the video just show it; this is a memorial tribute not fucking Cloverfield.
-Amy Adams should win every award ever, because I am in love with her.
-Slumdog Millionaire was a good movie. I think there has been a sort of backlash against it from a lot of people because it was SO critically praised that people went into the theater expecting to have a life-altering experience. It was a good, slightly hackneyed but visually awesome movie. I'm glad it won, because it was the best of the 3 best picture nominees I saw.
-Better movies than the best picture nominees in my opinion: The Dark Knight and In Bruges. I was rooting for In Bruges to win the screenplay Oscar, but alas it was the year of the gays and Indians.
-Best speech: the Japanese guy who kept saying "sank you" over and over and closed with "domo arigato Mr. Roboto." That guy is cool.
-Was Jerry Lewis making funny faces or is his body deteriorating rapidly leaving him with limited muscle control?
-I liked when the guy who did the music for Slumdog won his second straight award for one of the songs from the movie and said something like, "All my life I've had a choice between love and hate. I chose love and look where I am." Dude, what the FUCK are you talking about? Are you saying you're better than me? If I just choose love will I win an Oscar? Was that even your voice in the musical number? I don't think it was.
-I can't tell if Hugh Jackman was any good. I mean, it's not like I wanted Jon Stewart up there telling jokes and talking about Obama the whole time, but Hugh Jackman mincing around like a Producers audition was just weird.
-Good god Beyonce's got some thighs on her. She could cut a horse in half with those thunderstix.
-Sean Penn thanked a bunch of people and took the time to tell the Prop 8 voters that they were evil and would never be able to look their grandkids in the eye, but forgot to thank Jenny or the gay screenwriter who they kept showing in the crowd as he was tearing up. Hey remember when Sean Penn was cool as Spicoli and would say stuff like, "Whoa, those guys are fags!" That was a long time ago.
-KK Hollidae seems to think that Anne Hathaway is beautiful, like really marvelously good looking. Here's the thing about Anne Hathaway, who was about the 30th hottest actress there. Her appeal to men is that she's attainably hot, i.e. she's pretty but you might have a chance with her because she's not anything really special. Girls love these types of famous women, because they don't make them feel self-conscious or inadequate and then girls start claiming that they're amazingly beautiful when really Anne Hathaway is only pretty enough and I might have a shot at her if she was hammered and I was rich.
-Sofia Loren haunts my dreams.
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