Ok, it's been 24 days since the Mets completed their historically horrific collapse, allowing a bunch of scumbag baby-eaters to win the division and Pankey to win our bet (still scrounging up money for the beer and weed...I was gonna add advertisements to the site, but I think you need more than 5 readers to make any money). As my first post ever indicates I, like all Mets fans, was extremely upset...definitely more angry than sad...and needed to vent. I have since calmed down significantly, but still can't bring myself to watch too much of the playoffs (and now I have to root for a bunch of crazy ass born again Christians and little Kazuo just so those fuckheads up in Boston don't have anything to brag about). Anyway, I have decided to gather up my thoughts on the Mets and what needs to be done next year now that I am calm and clearheaded:
Who needs to go?
Tom Glavine can't get out of town fast enough as far as I'm concerned. This is not just anger over his last start (actually he sucked dick in his final 3 starts) talking. This is also righteous indignation over the fact that he told a reporter he was not "devastated" over the last game and not making the playoffs, but merely "disappointed." Glav seems to think devastated is too strong a word for a baseball game. Gee, thanks for the semantics lesson shitdick, but guess what? There were several hundred thousand devastated people in the NY metro area, so how about you just pretend for a couple days like going to the playoffs is actually more important to you than playing golf with John Smoltz and Steve Avery. Glavine did that whole bullshit run-around with the Mets after last season, flirting with the Braves "because of his family," then deciding that $$$$ is actually important to him. Just let him go; we can find someone to throw up a 4.45 ERA and 1.41 WHIP who is under 40 and might actually give a shit. I sincerely hope he returns to the Braves, so we can watch Blastings smacking ropes off him all season long.
Paul Lo Duca also should be sent to the glue factory at this point. He's old. He can't get on base, can't hit for power, can't throw people out, etc. Ramon Castro is the superior player, but if Dukey's on the team you just know Willie's putting him in there every day. I like Lo Duca's passion, especially when he went nuts after getting thrown out of that game against the A's and threw all his shit on the field and got crazy eyes. Paulie's just not good enough at baseball to keep him around at this point.
Shawn Green also needs to be shown the door. It was nice having you around Shawn; every team needs a Jew, and it was really funny when you're hat would always fly off when you were "running" after flyballs. Unfortunately, you are not that good anymore and are blocking this generation's Willie Mays, i.e. Lastings motherfucking Milledge.Mota and Schoenweiss also need to go; preferably they can go to the east river and jump in while wearing boots filled with cement.
So who's on the 08 team?
Well, there's obviously some guys locked in for sure. My preferred lineup would be something like this:
C: Castro, player x (Kelly Shoppach, I'm looking at you)
1B: Delgado (who will suck yet again, because he broke his hand on the last day)
2B: Gotay
SS: Jose Jose Jose Jose, Joseee, Joseeeeeeeeeeee
3B: David Allen Wright
LF: Moises (for about 100 games hopefully)
CF: Beltran
RF: L Millz
Let's break this down. I want Castro back, because he can hit and is decent defensively. But he can't play full time, because his back would explode. The Mets should look to get him a platoon partner who's a little younger (great job not protecting Jesus Flores in last year's rule V, Omar!) and I don't know who exactly that is. Shoppach is only 27, can hit a bit, and is blocked by Victor Martinez, so I'd put in an offer for him. Ideally, we should get a guy who can hit a bit from the left side (damn I wish we had Saltalamacchia, for so many reasons) but I don't really know who that is. I would like to see Gotay get a lot of playing time, with a guy like Easley on the bench to pinch hit and fill in occasionally. Moises hit like a fucking machine last year when he wasn't hurt, so exercise his option, and have Endy, Marlon Anderson, and maybe Carlos Gomez give him a rest every so often/play for those two months when Moises' arthritis starts acting up.
Lastings Milledge is your everyday right fielder. He wears Hank Aaron's #44 for a reason. Can we please just give Lastings 500 ABs and see what he can do? (Side note: Lastings is CEO of Soulja-boi Records, and is pictured above with rapper Manny D. Lastings' rap name is L Millz. Soulja-boi, Inc. is in no way affiliated with that Soulja Boy Tellem/Crank Dat song. Lastings has been supermanning hoes since the age of 11.)
Rotation?
Pedro, Maine, Perez are all definites. I'd like to see Pelfrey get a shot coming out of spring training. The Mets should throw some money at a guy like Carlos Silva, who can take Glavine's innings. El Duque to the pen! He can be our 6th starter and long guy, and I think that's for the best so as not to overtax his 56 year old body.
Bullpen, Bench?
Bullpen: well, we know for sure you got Wagner, Heilman, and Feliciano. I have El Duque. I'd like to see more of Joe Smith, who has a year and some innings under his belt now. Jorge Sosa looked alright in the pen last year, and he's another guy who can start if needs be. Hopefully, Dirty Duaner Sanchez is back and pitching like he was 2 years ago. That would be awesome. Really, bullpens are random and can be constructed on the cheap with a little ingenuity, which Omar Minaya may or may not possess.
Bench: Backup catcher X, Marlon Anderson, Endy Chavez, Damion Easley (if healthy), Josh Phelps. What?!! Josh Phelps?! He's sort of young, can hit for a little power, and you can make him the righty in a righty-lefty platoon with Delgado. Who do we trade for him? I have no fucking clue; what am I, a psychic?
What will the Mets do?
Omar's not returning my calls, so your guess is as good as mine (if not better). I think if no great trades appear and after Posada is done using the Mets as leverage against the Yank$ and returns to the Bronx, Lo Duca is coming back on a one-year deal. Eh, it is what it is. Castillo is also probably coming back, because he's one of those guys that just gets way too much credit (especially from Omar and Willie) and Gotay is on the bench. I guess you could do worse than Castillo in your 2-hole...at least he gets on base. Pitching-wise, I really have no idea what the Mets will do, but that's really the important thing. The hitting was alright last year, so Omar really needs to not have a repeat of last year's off-season, when he traded Bannister and Heath Bell away for a case of fresh tortillas. Will Mariano be a Met? Never gonna happen.
Your thoughts on Willie Randolph?
He seems like a nice gentleman with impeccably manicured moustachios. He is from Brooklyn, so that's nice. I held him a little too responsible for the Mets collapse, seeing as he is only a manager and they really don't have that much impact on the standings. That said, I still personally believe him to be generally unintelligent when it comes to the use of his bullpen, overly loyal to washed-up veterans and thereby detrimental to the development of younger players, and tainted with the stench of Yankeedom. I am willing to look past these things and give him another year. That's right I am giving him another year...because the decision is mine and mine alone.
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