Team: Not really much too complain about here. Bunch of no-names, who somehow posted the best record in the NL despite being outscored by their opponents by 20 runs this year. They are commendable in that they subscribe to the philosophy opposite to that of the Mets, i.e. promote and play productive youngsters over washed-up veterans. This appears to have worked quite well for them, with a mildly productive line-up and stellar bullpen headlined by young players. And Brandon Webb is sick.
Fans: Do these people really exist. Phoenix seems like a large-scale nursing home and this franchise was invented in 1998 so there aren't too many out there.
History: They won a very memorable 2001 world series over the Yank$ on the strength of Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, and the shittiest game-winning hit of all time. Personal note: I have been to two very memorable D-backs playoff losses: the Jeter Mr. November game (fuck Jeter, fuck Byung-hun Kim) and the Pratt walkoff homerun to win the 99 NLDS (fuck yea!!!). Does a team that is in its 10th season really deserve another championship? No. We don't need another Marlins.
Team: This is not a very good team. They finished with 85 wins in a joke of a division. They are headlined by Derrek Lee, Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, the most awesomely insane pitcher ever (the good Zambrano), and mad man Lou Piniella. And of course, they have one of dtro's all time favorite players in Cornelius Clifford Floyd, and a poor man's Eckstein in Ryan "The Riot" Theriot.
Fans: Chicago has a ton of cubs fans. They are the yankees to the white sox' mets. I've been to Wrigley a couple times and everyone seems incredibly drunk and not that in to the game. At first I was gonna count this against them, but really who doesn't love to get drunk? I can understand this when your team sucks year in and year out. They seem like pretty jolly people overall.
History: We all know the Cubs have not won the series since 1908, when Mrs. O'Leary's cow, a cubs fan, knocked over a lantern and burned down the city of Chicago, thereby cursing the Cubs for a hundred years. They haven't even won the pennant since 1945. Steve Bartman fucked them over, etc. Their history kind of sucks.
Team: Interesting collection of mostly young guys, with an old guy (Todd Helton) and the spawn of satan (Kaz Matsui) thrown in. Matt Holliday is pretty sick (except that he sucks on the road...hmmm) and Troy Tulowitzki is good and has a cool name. I know nothing whatsoever about their pitchers. They did sack up and go on a ridiculous hot streak to make the playoffs and won a crazy play-in game beating the most overrated closer ever in the process (but Holliday never touched home).
Fans: Once again, I gotta go the Arizona route and question how many Rockies' fans there really are. The team premiered in 1993 and most of these people are Broncos fans. I'll give them the beneft of the doubt and guess they have a more loyal following than the D-backs. Pankey, you do not count.
History: Well, let's see. The Rockies won the first ever NL wildcard spot in strike-shortened 1995, losing to eventual champion Atlanta in the NLDS. In 1993, they lost all 13 games to the Braves (only season sweep of that magnitude in NL history) and almost singlehandedly gave them the division in the last real pennant race ever. In 1997, Larry Walker, Dante Bichette, Vinny Castilla, and Andres Galarraga all had well over 30 hrs. and 100 rbis...yea Coors Field!
Team: This team should not be here. This should be the Mets. They were given this division, ok....they did not earn it. Anyhoo, Jimmy Rollins opened his fat ugly mouth and said they were the team to beat and I guess backed it up. He is very good at baseball, and would be elite if he could take a couple more walks. Pat Burrell is a fuckin d-bag who would not have a career if the mets did not exist. Ryan Howard is country strong. Chase Utley? Plays the game the right way? I guess if by right way you mean like a homo. Their pitchers all suck ass, except for Cole Hamels, who once survived a 10-month sojourn in the desert by eating Whole Camels.
Fans: As pankey told peanut, "Phillies fans are just too drunk and stupid too realize they're not at an Eagles game." Yup, that about sums it up.
History: Last WS title--1980. Last trip to the playoffs--1993...yea Joe Carter! Total losses, 10,000+ and counting.
Conclusion: Gotta go with the Cubbies. The D-backs are too new of a franchise to tie the Mets in all-time WS titles. The Rockies are a young franchise as well, and their history includes too much helping of the Braves. The Phillies are all baby-eaters (no seriously, I once saw Ryan Howard swallow an infant whole) and their fans are all Holocaust-deniers (no seriously, just ask one). The Cubs are lovable losers. They haven't won a WS in a century, their fans are jolly drunkards, and Julius Floyd (Cliffy's little bro) is a cool dude.
Tomorrow (or whenever I finish my english paper) we break down the AL.
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